haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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