i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need water and some morals
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
