My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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