its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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