i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
