he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
