I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize