Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
