textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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