he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i think my cat just said my name.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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