4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Got a toothbrush?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
