idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
