no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
