It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
