I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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