is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
