he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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