Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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