i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
