Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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