There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize