his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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