Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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