True but thats because hes a fetus.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
