Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize