Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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