hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
