The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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