with your own penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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