You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
