Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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