He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
