Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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