so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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