I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
