Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
