it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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