He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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