i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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