I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
