ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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