laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
