a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
