we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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