i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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