Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
