If that was your dad, he is hot
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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