he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pooping to opera.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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