Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
