Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
