you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
