I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
