Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
