Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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