i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
