my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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