Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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