It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
