I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
