I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
