You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
