I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
