It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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