I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
