Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
