i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My bed smells like the plague
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
