with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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