So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
