the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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