There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize