The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You've changed since you got that strap on
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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